I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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