come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
