a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
