I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
