yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
