Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
