Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
