is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
