a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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