During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
