I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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