I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
