WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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