I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
