just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
