Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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