Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
