I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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