Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize