I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
