he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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