Ambien. No doubt about it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
