Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
