i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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