My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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