just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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