your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
