At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
its liver damage thursday
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