Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
