2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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