this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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