I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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