So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
