It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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