i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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