I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
