Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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