she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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