Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
