im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
