my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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