Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
