I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
