it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
