saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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