if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is the high leading the old right now
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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