he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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