She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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