You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
