Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
