I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
