All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
