Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
