So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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