Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
