my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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