sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
