WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize