the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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