i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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