i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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