you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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