Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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