he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just want to make out with him forever
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
