dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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