he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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