it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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