i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i believe in u and ur pee
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
