i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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