You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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