so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
