he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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