So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
