Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
