How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
