I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
