my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
