what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
