bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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