i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
