I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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