I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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