also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that's an acceptable place to lick
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
