My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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