He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
