i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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