why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
