Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so much tequila, so little girl.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
