There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize