we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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