Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
