He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
