guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I understand Curling. That high.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
