So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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