yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
