Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
