Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
