dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize