one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
