Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
