Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
