I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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