Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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