i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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