She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
