theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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