the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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